Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
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