Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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