Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
