im six kinds of drunk right now
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
