I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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