Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
