So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
