the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The uberlube is also flammable
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
