suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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