I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
