i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
