Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
