We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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