Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have fence marks all over my body
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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