Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
