My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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