the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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