Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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