my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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