some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
