Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
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I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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