Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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