yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
