yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
