I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
