It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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