This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
