haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
