I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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