Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
