i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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