I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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