I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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