Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's just like the Real World with babies
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
