Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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