So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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