He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
