your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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