READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
