He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
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