You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
