My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
