My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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