break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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