After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
