He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
