dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
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Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
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Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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