ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
