why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
