Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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