so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
