Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
