So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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