After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
