and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
