You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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