two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
honey bunches of taint.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
