I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
COCAINE IS GR8
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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