Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
