im about as happy as oj after his trial
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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