We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
