4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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