I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
