I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
