two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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