it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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