Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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