Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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