I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
