I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
