I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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