Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
