yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
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Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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