ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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