you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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