I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
